self-realizations

Realization #1: I am no longer a South Carolina resident. Mailing in the license plate which advertises our "Smiling Faces" and "Beautiful Places" framed by the Blue Ridge Mountains and a palmetto tree makes it official. My car now sports the much plainer yellow-and-blue striped Pennsylvania plate. (and I must say that "smiling faces" wouldn't fly for their state motto, at least not in the winter in Philadelphia...beautiful places they do have, but PA's sadly lacking in either mountains or palmetto trees) So although I will always be a Carolina girl at heart, there are now no official residential ties. No more SC drivers license or SC license plate to flag me as such...they'll just have to guess it from my smiling face (ha!) and the pictures I have of beautiful places from SC. And every now and again the slight Southern twang that emerges with a "y'all."

So onto realization #2, which also has a few pictures to grace it. As I walked into the mall for a little Saturday shopping with some Christmas money, I carried my small red purse. I've prided myself on being able to maintain the simplicity of a small purse with everything that I need easily accessible: the cell phone, the wallet, and my keys. Maybe a pen or two and some lip gloss. And my granola bar (today). And then what about that book I wanted to bring to read while I waited for my friend at Starbucks? I quickly became frustrated as I tried to cram the granola bar beside the keys, the wallet, and the phone...and be able to zip the purse so that it would neatly contain all that was within. So that I could keep my image of simplicity together.

Then it dawned on me. This is like my life. I want the illusion of simplicity and ease. That I can keep everything together and am quite organized. But the truth is that I can't. My life is more messy than what can be contained in my "real simple" image. Our house might be organized right now, but after a few weeks of work/school/study/life, I will probably have a hard time finding the credit card bill on my desk because of the papers and books and counseling articles piled on it.

I wanted to be able to keep a small purse. But my life just can't be contained in it anymore. So I bit the bullet, and used some Christmas money to buy a bigger purse...a lot bigger. There was space for everything, and room to spare. Next time I'll bring my book with me. And my journal, planner, camera, photo album, husband... oops, I got a little carried away there. I don't think he would come along shopping with me even if I did offer to carry him all the way!

So I will embrace a bigger purse and the reality that life is more complicated (and fuller) than the simplicity I aim for.