returning to my roots

I had the amazing privilege of visiting HOME--or at least within an hour of it--this weekend on a recruiting trip with World Harvest Mission. It reminded me of how much I love the Carolinas...especially at this time of the year. I decided I needed a more creative and a more upbeat blog entry (as the last few have been a bit melancholy), so in appreciation of this weekend, here are my top 10 favorite things I found beautifully familiar:
1. Cajun chicken filet biscuits from Bojangle's--if you haven't had them, you don't know what you're missing
2. Sales people who actually ask if they can help you when you enter the store
3. Freshly paved roads!
4. Sweet tea--emphasis on sweet
5. Strangers who smile at you
6. The 2005 4Runner I rented for the weekend (yeah, it's not southern, but I had to throw it in there. There's about nothing more perfect than a road trip through the NC mountains while driving this baby)
7. A million visible stars in the night sky
8. The way the world feels manageable because the towns are small and the population is low
9. That intangible feeling of "I belong" and "this is home" that awakens you with a smile in the morning
10. People who talk like I do [i.e.: join in with saying such great phrases such as "y'all" and "dang it!"]

Needless to say, God gave much refreshment through this "return to my roots." And yet, there was something oddly refreshing as well when I returned to the super-busy Philadelphia airport. I was wondering where all the people were all weekend. !! And I love my friends here.

alone on the journey?

Today I was feeling pretty beat-down. It was a Monday morning, and a CLASSIC Monday morning, complete with the depressive feelings after a really fun weekend with friends, a cold fall/winter rain to lure me to stay in bed as long as I could, not getting enough sleep the night before, and a VERY full schedule of working at WHM (world harvest mission), then going to class, followed by another class. Add to that some freshly-illuminated struggles of my heart but no time to deal with them...and you might be entering into this same melancholy with me even as you read this. I felt alone, wanted to be alone, didn't want to have to interact with people. It's a pattern that has increased the more honest I've become with the sin that lives in me, the struggling world surrounding me, and the complication that community always brings.

But I am never alone on this journey of life, and this often-seemingly-impossible journey of walking with Jesus Christ is not a solitary pathway. How sweet of Him to remind me of these very things today! Through some pretty amazing friends. Like Amy Smith, who entered my journey in the midst of her own struggles with faith (read her blog to be encouraged for yourself--it's one of the links).

She encouraged me by letting me know I'm not alone in the fact that it's hard. Here's a part of what Amy shared with me this morning--taken from her most recent post: "I'm realizing more and more how this Christian life just is NOT about getting our act together, our emotions in order, our feelings pumped up. Why do I feel like that's so ingrained into what's being preached by the church? Other Christians? My own heart? When the Gospel preaches that it's about letting Christ lead us into His Arms. Maybe it's because that feels terrifying at times (we don't like to preach about terrifying things :0) when being in His Arms and apart of His Plan doesn't promise "fuzzy, warm feelings" and an easy life. More often than not, it promises circumstances that make us cling to HIm and situations that "feel" uncomfortable, lonely, and puny....but those very situations protecting us from living a strong, easy life forgetting that we even NEED a Savior to rescue us and lead us. If my life was as I wanted it to go - easy, fun, safe - then why would I need a Savior or rescuing? But when life is hard - as it's always been (just read the Psalms!) - I'm forced to realize daily, hourly, just how amazing this Jesus is who didn't leave me in this incredible screwed up, cursed world to fight on my own, but came to save me from it and lead me through it."

Amen, Amy! How true this has been of me today! I really think I've been on an unlucky streak the past 24 hours. Stupid stuff like losing my ATM card and going to the computer lab to try to print ONE paper--and it's the 12th one I try that finally works, when I'm now down to 5 minutes before it's due. I mean, it's crazy how all of these "little" things can be used to unravel me and anger me. Why? Because I don't want to admit how little control I actually have over the world. And I don't trust the One who is ruling the world with the way He's doing it.

If you're one who prays, please pray for me this week. That I will trust God, that He will meet me, that I will gladly surrender the illusion of control and fall into the arms of the Father whose embrace IS full and deep and safe. And who walks with me on this journey...into unknowns & struggles & joys. Comforting me by His very presence with me. Oh help my unbelief!!

the other side of fall...

...is the melancholy pictured so well by this image. Just days ago, I was exulting in the fresh, crisp air that creates this sense of inward "cozy-ness" pictured by a cup of hot tea and a well-loved book in your favorite nook of your home.

Today, I got into my car and reached out of habit for my sunglasses--then remembered that I don't need them and that I haven't needed them for about a week. For real. We have not seen sun in over a week in Philadelphia. And that gives me time to get melancholic about this aspect of winter coming. I hated that about last winter.

Granted, there were a lot of other very difficult things that made last winter hard. I was going through a very hidden season of glory--and would not be able to see its glory until the season ended. (which coincided with the literal change of seasons) I love sunshine and warm weather and creation and lots of free time with friends. The onset of classes and a regular work schedule and now this dreary chill foreboding winter's entrance...it makes me LONG for full-out redemption and eternal glory. I think heaven will be like year-long summer. With a couple crisp autumn days to give variety--then back to summer again.

Until then, I will try to awake my soul on a dreary day like today with the hope that there is sunshine behind the clouds. And there is a Redeemer at work--though his work may seem hidden behind the darkness we see.

autumn glory

On a dreary winter's day when the sky is laden with snowy clouds the glory of the heavens is very much hidden. And I often find myself wondering if God is good and even if He exists on days like that.

That's wrong, of course, for me to think this way. God is much bigger than his creation and his glory is permanent--even when I can't see it.

But there is something about the beauty of creation unveiled that can lead me to worship. Like today. I just walked outside to mail some bills, and my unsuspecting heart was met by the beauty of a perfectly blue autumn sky. It's a taste of glory. I want to drink it up--to spend all day outside reveling in it.

Isn't that what glory should do? Make us want to join it? Be saturated in it--transformed by it? How can I pursue this on the days when creation itself seems to be disguised?

I believe it's found in Christ. Who is pursuing each of us through these beautiful glory moments when we are caught off guard. And we remember eternity as what we are made to enjoy. An eternal quality of life--and an eternal existence. One that comes in relationship with the one who IS glory.

I want to invite others in. I'm glad that my roommates and I are having a fall party tonight to celebrate the glory surrounding us today. That's another thing about glory: you want to share it with others. Hence the blog world...I'm glad you're a part of it!