the pain of the mundane

Following such a beautiful post is the other reality of life: the glory we reflect and seek is often buried under the mundane annoyances of each day. The glory isn't always (or often?) so obvious as when beholding a beautiful newborn or an oceanic landscape. It is found in relationship, yet our relationships can never escape the strain we put on them. We seek in another human what we can only know through a redeemed relationship with our Creator through Christ.

And we seek this most intensely from the relationships closest to us. A spouse, a parent, children, a best friend. ... The list goes on. Yet these relationships always expose (1) our need for a Redeemer due to our own lovelessness and (2) our unfulfilled desire for a divine, eternal love. The book I've been savoring lately, Mystery of Marriage (by Mike Mason), starts here: "For one of the most profound ways in which the Lord touches us, and teaches us about Himself and His own essential otherness, is through the very limits He has placed upon our relationships."

It's been a hard week. Not because of any extenuating circumstances, but just because of the pain of the mundane. Today holds two great examples -- bookends to an ok day in between -- but left me resentful at either end. This morning, when I finally sat down and was attempting to quiet my busy heart before the Lord in His Word, that was the exact moment (i kid you not) when the lawn mowers started at our apartment complex. Not just the lawn mowers, but also the weed eaters and who knows whatever else kind of LOUD machine they could find to use at 8:15 this morning. We live on the courtyard -- which means the noise reverbates and is amplified. Ugh. I was beyond annoyed. Actually livid at these workers who dared to disrupt my silence. (and to be honest, God my Father who I believe is in control of even details like this -- couldn't He have rearranged things a bit??)

Catch the irony as I relay to you what I was trying to read amidst the noise (again from this amazing book The Mystery of Marriage): "Other people, let's face it, confront us directly with the reality of love or hate that is in our hearts...that is why everyone bears a secret resentment toward everyone else, simply for being alive. We resent everyone for revealing so accurately and so openly and so painfully the depth of our own lovelessness."

Ouch.

I illustrated this truth (sad to say) a second time today as well. I went to library to return some books and to check out two novels by Penelope Lively (great author -- I just finished her book "Consequences"). As I was checking out, the librarian informed me that I had a $7 fee. For two videos that we had returned late. (they charge $1/day -- a rip off!!) And, no, she informed me, they don't take credit cards. And, unfortunately, since it was over $5, I could not check out my books.

I was livid.

At her? Sort of. But even more so at the way this interaction revealed my loveless heart. I wanted to give her hateful glances (and I think I did...) and make her pay for getting in my way.
And I probably won't even see her again. Why so resentful?

It's the pain of the mundane. It gets me. It makes me struggle to believe that God's good, He's a Father, He's working all for good for me His daughter. His beloved. His glory reigns in the earth -- in people, in His creation. But I am so blind too often.

So at the end of today, this is my public confessional. And desire for repentance. To turn away from my self-centered desires that make people my enemies and be restored to my Creator and to His people as those He calls me to love. To ask Him for love as I'm desperately aware of my lovelessness...instead of resenting those who remind me of my need.

beautiful life

Tonight Seth and I went to the hospital to welcome our friends' new baby into the world. As I held this little warm cuddly bundle in my arms, I was amazed anew by the beauty of creation as reflected through a newborn. She really is a beautiful baby. Her parents are so proud (as well they should be!). And also tired ... she was just born at 2:00 am this morning. I don't think I've ever held a baby this new. It really was a worshipful moment for me. I was in awe that our big, splendid God would "knit together," as the psalmist says, this tiny creation to reflect His glory. What must our God be like? That He chooses to put His image into each little human! All of you who are parents know this wonder magnified 100s of times over as you hold this baby who is yours. So...that's my tribute to little Aiyla Altman. Here's a picture of her:
It's been a good few days of getting doses of beauty ... Seth and I had a last-minute opportunity to get away to a friend's oceanfront home at Long Beach Island, New Jersey, for a few days this past weekend. What a refreshment it was for us to just be there ... to wake up to the sounds of the ocean and the occasional squawk of a seagull ... to walk 50 yards and be on the beach with the sand between our toes. It was a renewal for us as we worshiped the God of glory so evident in His creation and as we rested in His love for His children and our love for one another. (the latter impossible truly without the former!) As I journaled, I wished that there was a way to bottle up the day to be opened "as needed" in the winter to come. I do dread it ... but am SO thankful for the very rare summer-like warm days October has held so far ... and so I will ask for grace to endure winter when it gets here. And enjoy this beauty while it lasts.

Glory -- seen both in the magnificent things of creation like an ocean and in miraculous tiny newborn babies. What a God we have that He would hide His majestic glory in such fragile little creatures! And display it so magnificently in an ocean.