alone on the journey?

Today I was feeling pretty beat-down. It was a Monday morning, and a CLASSIC Monday morning, complete with the depressive feelings after a really fun weekend with friends, a cold fall/winter rain to lure me to stay in bed as long as I could, not getting enough sleep the night before, and a VERY full schedule of working at WHM (world harvest mission), then going to class, followed by another class. Add to that some freshly-illuminated struggles of my heart but no time to deal with them...and you might be entering into this same melancholy with me even as you read this. I felt alone, wanted to be alone, didn't want to have to interact with people. It's a pattern that has increased the more honest I've become with the sin that lives in me, the struggling world surrounding me, and the complication that community always brings.

But I am never alone on this journey of life, and this often-seemingly-impossible journey of walking with Jesus Christ is not a solitary pathway. How sweet of Him to remind me of these very things today! Through some pretty amazing friends. Like Amy Smith, who entered my journey in the midst of her own struggles with faith (read her blog to be encouraged for yourself--it's one of the links).

She encouraged me by letting me know I'm not alone in the fact that it's hard. Here's a part of what Amy shared with me this morning--taken from her most recent post: "I'm realizing more and more how this Christian life just is NOT about getting our act together, our emotions in order, our feelings pumped up. Why do I feel like that's so ingrained into what's being preached by the church? Other Christians? My own heart? When the Gospel preaches that it's about letting Christ lead us into His Arms. Maybe it's because that feels terrifying at times (we don't like to preach about terrifying things :0) when being in His Arms and apart of His Plan doesn't promise "fuzzy, warm feelings" and an easy life. More often than not, it promises circumstances that make us cling to HIm and situations that "feel" uncomfortable, lonely, and puny....but those very situations protecting us from living a strong, easy life forgetting that we even NEED a Savior to rescue us and lead us. If my life was as I wanted it to go - easy, fun, safe - then why would I need a Savior or rescuing? But when life is hard - as it's always been (just read the Psalms!) - I'm forced to realize daily, hourly, just how amazing this Jesus is who didn't leave me in this incredible screwed up, cursed world to fight on my own, but came to save me from it and lead me through it."

Amen, Amy! How true this has been of me today! I really think I've been on an unlucky streak the past 24 hours. Stupid stuff like losing my ATM card and going to the computer lab to try to print ONE paper--and it's the 12th one I try that finally works, when I'm now down to 5 minutes before it's due. I mean, it's crazy how all of these "little" things can be used to unravel me and anger me. Why? Because I don't want to admit how little control I actually have over the world. And I don't trust the One who is ruling the world with the way He's doing it.

If you're one who prays, please pray for me this week. That I will trust God, that He will meet me, that I will gladly surrender the illusion of control and fall into the arms of the Father whose embrace IS full and deep and safe. And who walks with me on this journey...into unknowns & struggles & joys. Comforting me by His very presence with me. Oh help my unbelief!!