the pain of the mundane

Following such a beautiful post is the other reality of life: the glory we reflect and seek is often buried under the mundane annoyances of each day. The glory isn't always (or often?) so obvious as when beholding a beautiful newborn or an oceanic landscape. It is found in relationship, yet our relationships can never escape the strain we put on them. We seek in another human what we can only know through a redeemed relationship with our Creator through Christ.

And we seek this most intensely from the relationships closest to us. A spouse, a parent, children, a best friend. ... The list goes on. Yet these relationships always expose (1) our need for a Redeemer due to our own lovelessness and (2) our unfulfilled desire for a divine, eternal love. The book I've been savoring lately, Mystery of Marriage (by Mike Mason), starts here: "For one of the most profound ways in which the Lord touches us, and teaches us about Himself and His own essential otherness, is through the very limits He has placed upon our relationships."

It's been a hard week. Not because of any extenuating circumstances, but just because of the pain of the mundane. Today holds two great examples -- bookends to an ok day in between -- but left me resentful at either end. This morning, when I finally sat down and was attempting to quiet my busy heart before the Lord in His Word, that was the exact moment (i kid you not) when the lawn mowers started at our apartment complex. Not just the lawn mowers, but also the weed eaters and who knows whatever else kind of LOUD machine they could find to use at 8:15 this morning. We live on the courtyard -- which means the noise reverbates and is amplified. Ugh. I was beyond annoyed. Actually livid at these workers who dared to disrupt my silence. (and to be honest, God my Father who I believe is in control of even details like this -- couldn't He have rearranged things a bit??)

Catch the irony as I relay to you what I was trying to read amidst the noise (again from this amazing book The Mystery of Marriage): "Other people, let's face it, confront us directly with the reality of love or hate that is in our hearts...that is why everyone bears a secret resentment toward everyone else, simply for being alive. We resent everyone for revealing so accurately and so openly and so painfully the depth of our own lovelessness."

Ouch.

I illustrated this truth (sad to say) a second time today as well. I went to library to return some books and to check out two novels by Penelope Lively (great author -- I just finished her book "Consequences"). As I was checking out, the librarian informed me that I had a $7 fee. For two videos that we had returned late. (they charge $1/day -- a rip off!!) And, no, she informed me, they don't take credit cards. And, unfortunately, since it was over $5, I could not check out my books.

I was livid.

At her? Sort of. But even more so at the way this interaction revealed my loveless heart. I wanted to give her hateful glances (and I think I did...) and make her pay for getting in my way.
And I probably won't even see her again. Why so resentful?

It's the pain of the mundane. It gets me. It makes me struggle to believe that God's good, He's a Father, He's working all for good for me His daughter. His beloved. His glory reigns in the earth -- in people, in His creation. But I am so blind too often.

So at the end of today, this is my public confessional. And desire for repentance. To turn away from my self-centered desires that make people my enemies and be restored to my Creator and to His people as those He calls me to love. To ask Him for love as I'm desperately aware of my lovelessness...instead of resenting those who remind me of my need.